Tinkerbell: “So… your adventures are over?”
“Oh, no. To live… to live would be an awfully big adventure.” -Peter Pan/Robin Williams from the movie “Hook”
Almost everything I needed to know in life I learned in a Robin Williams movie.
Every role he played carried a certain kind of pathos with it that made you think that this person was really alive, and somehow the world was better for it. Williams gave me a glimpse into what it meant to be a good husband (Good Will Hunting) and showed me what it looked like to be a good dad (Mrs. Doubtfire/Hook) He showed us what it looked like to love our neighbor (Patch Adams) and how to love our life. (Dead Poet’s Society)
And so it was a bit like being kicked in the gut when I heard the news last night that Robin Williams had died….presumably by taking his own life.
I know from personal experience, that often comedy originates from a place of pain. After all, those who know death are often the best at really knowing the value of life. But so much of Williams work actually dealt with the very tragic kind of story that his own ended with. I’m thinking of the Dead Poets Society, and those scenes in the movie when Williams helps his students deal with the tragic suicide of one of their friends. Or the scenes in the movie, What Things May Come, watching Williams deal with his wife committing suicide and him going to Hell and back to save her.
If you’re looking for a parable for the human condition, Robin Williams has given us more than his share.
Throughout his personal life, Williams struggled with his own relationships and demons, addicted to cocaine (which he said was God’s way of saying “You’re making too much money”) He checked himself into rehab more than once for alcoholism. All of this was public knowledge, and maybe it was what made us relate to his characters so well. Robin Williams brought all of his humanity into his work.
But why am I writing about this?
We’re Not Alone
A few months ago, we had a prayer and response time at Highland (the church I serve) where we invited people to go to the tables that were placed around the worship space and write down different things that they were dealing with as a way of prayer and confession. Later that week, I heard something from a friend of mine that broke my heart. My friend is a recovering alcoholic and to say he has lead a difficult life would be an understatement. He was in the worship service on that day we all wrote prayers down and he told me that later he snuck back in our auditorium to read the cards…he wanted to see what people had written down.
Because he said, “I wanted to make sure I wasn’t alone.”
In my experience, most of the people who come to church are “fine.” Williams himself was a member of the Episcopal church (he called it “Catholic Lite: All the rites, half the guilt”) And as someone who has done the funerals of friends who have taken their own lives, I happen to know that suicide is not something that religious people are exempt from.
The love of God will not keep us from mental illness or depression.
But that’s not to say nothing can help.
Did you know that Robin Williams and Christopher Reeves were old friends from college? And while it’s easy to be friends with Superman, it’s another story to be friends with a quadriplegic washed-up actor. Williams was both. After Reeve’s tragic horse-riding accident, Robin went to visit him several times, pretending to be a zanier version of Patch Adams just to cheer him up.
For my money, one of the best scenes of any movie that’s ever been made, is in Good Will Hunting. Will Hunting is this abused, orphan genius, who’s good at everything but apparently good for nothing. He pushes people away before they can get too close and when the psychologist played by Robin Williams starts to get at the source of the real pain in Will’s life, Will begins to push back. Literally. He becomes violent, yelling swear words at Williams character, and finally Robin Williams just says “It’s not your fault”
All the abuse, all the pain, all the secrets…”It’s not your fault” He just says that over and over and over.
When I heard the news last night about Robin Williams, one of the first thoughts to come to me was I wish he would have had someone like that to hug him and hold onto him, and just keep saying “It’s not your fault”
Sick With Secrets
My alcoholic friends in recovery often tell me that “We’re only as sick as our secrets” and Jesus keeps persisting to me throughout the Gospel that it’s possible to have all our junk in order on the outside and still just be a shell of a person. The word Jesus uses for this is “Hypocrite” or actor. And it’s a word that’s so captivated the world’s imagination that even people who don’t believe in Jesus use it as a critique of those who follow him (and those who don’t).
The goal of Jesus seems to be to get us all to realize that each of us have both an outside and an inside and what we do with our inside matters just as much, if not more, than what we show on the outside.
Which leads me, in a rambling kind of way, to say this. I’ve had to go through counseling several times throughout the past few years. Sometimes for my own addictions, sometimes to work through my own pain, and always to work through my own sin and idols. I imagine I’ll always need counseling in some form, and I realize as I type this that I don’t talk about that piece of my life that much. I’ve never tried to hide it, but I haven’t been broadcasting it as much as other parts of my life.
But this is not the way of Jesus, and if each of us start trying to live out what’s going on inside of us with a bit more integrity, it might just be one last gift that Williams gives the world.
In a statement released yesterday, Robin’s wife said
On behalf of Robin’s family, we are asking for privacy during our time of profound grief. As he is remembered, it is our hope the focus will not be on Robin’s death, but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he gave to millions.”
And so I hope we can. Because in the words of Peter Pan, “To die will be a great adventure, but to live…to live would be the greatest adventure of all.”
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), and if you live in Abilene, or belong to the Highland Church we have a licensed counseling center that I highly recommend (from personal experience) that can be reached at 325-201-3030.